Making Friends with Anxiety

There’s a funny thing about anxiety: all of us experience it, and all of us think we shouldn’t be experiencing it.

Anxiety is part of your human nature.  Being a human means being a little messy. Things are not permanent, they’re not perfect, and anxiety is universal. Just like you, there are a lot of folks out there with the same doubts, insecurities and fears.

Anxiety is also part of nature, period.  We don't fault the sun for setting at night. We don't fault the clouds for raining or snowing. This is just what happens in nature. Similarly, inside our own bodies, when the right conditions arise, we have anxieties and fears, and then when the conditions pass, the fears also pass, like the wind.

In fact, anxiety is not necessarily an enemy.  Ultimately, its intention is to protect you – it’s just gotten a little out of control.  And when you can befriend anxiety, it becomes a portal towards deeper wisdom for yourself.

One way to do that is through meditation.  Meditation is like a laboratory where we can do all different kinds of experimenting, but in a safe container.  And then, when we go out into the world, in relationship with other people, hopefully we know a bit more about how we are and how we show up. We might understand others a little bit more as well.

For example, you might explore experimenting with titration – of opening to anxiety in small intervals, knowing we can return to a sense of safety when we need to.  In meditation, that might look like finding your anchor, that place in your body where you feel a sense of ease – maybe the stillness or solidity of your body resting on the ground, or the expansion and contraction of the breath breathing itself in and out. 

And then, when you feel ready, move toward your anxiety by intentionally bringing to mind whatever wakes your personal anxiety monster. Maybe it's that deadline that’s hanging over your head or a social engagement where you're anxious about being judged, or…. well, anything!  As your body and mind get closer to the experience of anxiety, see if you can coexist with it, with compassion for yourself.  Perhaps you might even express some appreciation and warmth toward it. 

And then come back to the body, noticing where there is stillness and calm.  Back and forth, back and forth. Remember, you are in the driver’s seat.

The critical ingredients in this experiment are lovingkindness and compassion.  Can you pause when you feel anxious, recognizing what is happening? Can you be kind to yourself, and get curious about your anxiety?

See if you can extend some warmth to yourself, perhaps feeling your own strength and resolve, and perhaps repeat these phrases, resting with them for a few moments: May I face my fears with compassion and care.  May I become braver over time.

This is one way that, over time, your anxieties and fears can begin to soften. You can learn to recognize them a little bit faster, and develop a more intimate relationship with them, rather than simply wishing they would disappear.  You can even make friends with them.